Hello friends, I am here, posting today, because I have the intense need to talk about why you shouldn’t have kids. Now I’m obviously not planning on telling anyone what they should or shouldn’t do (although it sounds like that) but I have read far too many novels and read far too many bs that have people putting pressure on others to have kids and I’m just tired.
If you don’t like kids, don’t have kids. That would be obvious, no? If you don’t plan on putting your kids as a top priority for the next 18 years, don’t have kids. If you don’t want to sacrifice sleep, money and time on them? Don’t have kids. If you plan on having kids and then shove them to your partner for every little thing because “you can’t be assed”, then don’t have kids. If you think babies are cute but don’t consider “what’s next”? Then.. Please don’t have kids. Don’t want to “ruin your body” but still have a kid? Then just adopt.
Having children will cost time, money and effort. It costs sanity, emotions and privacy. It’s a personal sacrifice you need to be able to make. They need both parents to contribute to their growth and need healthy role models who, even if they make mistakes, still try their hardest to ensure that the children they chose to have (or, in some cases, didn’t chose to have) will grow up healthy.
You don’t owe anyone offspring. You don’t owe anyone a grandchild. If you don’t want kids then don’t have them. If you change your mind after having kids? That happens and admitting you made the wrong decision is a big step and a harsh truth. But you made a choice and you need to consider what to do next. Do you have family members who are willing to step up? Is adoption a possible step? Is the care system near you decent? It’s a difficult choice. Are you 100% sure you’re making the right choice?
Why would I ever say such controversial things and “how dare I suggest such a thing”? Because far too many people have kids out of obligation and because “that’s how things are”. There are 8 billion people on this planet. It’s okay to not add to it if you don’t want to. Unless a major catastrophe comes crashing down and ruins the atmosphere, we won’t die out easily.
It shouldn’t be a taboo. People sometimes make choices. And then they realise it was the wrong one. But unlike buying a coat you realise you don’t really like all that much, you can’t “return a child”. And sometimes there are health issues and you realise you don’t have the means for the child to grow up well.
I love my son and I will never give him up. But with all the struggles we’ve gone through as a family I can fully understand why some people would rather not. It’s difficult. Painful. It’s a real struggle and you fear you’ll “ruin the child”. And you’re trying so hard yet it feels like you’re just stuck in a ditch. And, there’s nothing worse when you choose to be a parent and you realise you’re a shitty parent and you never should have had kids because you’re doing a terrible job and your decision makes the world come crashing down at your feet.
But it’s a big taboo to “call it quits” after having kids. So you’re stuck in a situation you couldn’t have predicted.
My friends. It’s okay to not have kids if you don’t want to. It’s okay to decide to not have kids when you know your physical or mental health won’t be able to cope with it. You can also stop at having one kid. It’s okay. It’s your body. It’s your choice. It’s okay to adopt. It’s also okay to adopt a dog or a cat instead. Or another type of pet.
Don’t leave others hanging though. Say it straight up, don’t waste other peoples time. Just because you don’t want kids, doesn’t mean your partner (if you have one that is) doesn’t.
I know I missed out on several things but everyone’s situation and mindset is different. I’m not a licenced psychologist. I’m just a tired autistic parent with health conditions wanting to let this post float on the internet in the hopes that someone who struggles can read this and say “Finally, someone says it’s okay to not want to sacrifice my time on having kids I don’t want”.
Because, let’s face it. Not every human being is cut out to be a parent. And there’s too many of us anyways so it’s not like we’re about to go extinct anytime soon.
And the whole “You should be lucky to be able to have kids, some women can’t have kids even if they want them!” is not a valid excuse to push someone into having kids because there’s an adoption system set in place where you can, you know, adopt kids.
Having kids is a choice, not an obligation. Strive for healthy children, not broken adults.
This is another can of worms I am willing to open. Does anyone even consider the childs future? Does anyone even think that “Yes, this child who’s parents didn’t want in the first place is going to grow up happy and loved”? Or “This person who I forced to have a kid is going to be a great parent!”?
Do you think kids are blind and stupid? That they can’t sense that no one loves them? Unloved children grow up as broken adults. And it’s heartbreaking to see anyone not even considering that not everyone has the ability to care for others.
Anyway, I should probably end this post right now before I get “too into it”.