Things I learned after becoming a parent.

Lets talk about some things I learned after becoming a parent (this is not a mommy blog).

Children are exhausting. They are a treasure of awkwardness, silliness and laughs. They are little human beings who live in a world far to big for them to understand. They literally learn from scratch, being guided by adults to become fully functioning and independent and yes, they will make you want to stick them behind the wallpaper or tie them up on a chair (but really, it just stays as a threat).

When angry, breathe in deeply and chant to yourself “They’re just a kid, they don’t understand anything yet. You are the adult, you are the example!” and breathe out again. Think about the weird things they say and do like “mommy, why do you pee blood” and “daddy, why are you fat” and just.. accept that kids ask innocent questions without malice because they don’t understand anything yet and you need to explain to them that “it’s not nice to call people fat even if it’s the truth for this and that reason”.

Accept that you may learn all the 8 planets and 5 dwarf planets in order of placement, including weight, size and colour and engrave it in your memory just like you may be able to sing along with baby shark in the right intonation and every silly voice. And every single variant.

Children are exhausting. And I have yet to mention the countless arguments about “why they need to put on shoes” or “why do you need a sweater under your jacket” and “please weAR A HAT because it’s FREEZING OUTSIDE”.

Anger gets you NOWHERE. Every anger outburst is a teaching moment lost. The anger you feel is just triggered by your child but it’s not your child’s fault that you’re mentally f*cked up. You need therapy if your anger is out of control. (Do I speak out of experience? Yes. Yes I do.)

Lets also mention what I learned after finding out both my son and I are autistic.

It’s okay to be unable to do things. Some days things are just difficult and we don’t have the energy for it. It’s also not shameful to hire a housekeeper to pick up the slack. And yes, it’s fine to just run around in your pyjama’s all weekend. Exhaustion is like a permanent debuff that not even a good nights rest can vanquish.

Sometimes kids have bad days. Sometimes kids can’t remember how to put on their shoes because of reasons. Being a kid is difficult because you have zero control over your own life so giving children easy choices may help limiting confrontations.

Is this post in any way triggered because I woke up at midnight after dreaming I was called by my son? Yes. Yes it was. I haven’t slept since. I’m tired. Children are exhausting. Time to stop or this post will end up having 10.000 words.

If I drank alcohol I’d go for a wine right now but since I don’t drink it will have to be coffee instead.

Children are exhausting. Anyway, time to make a lunchbox for his majesty.

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