Learning who I am meant to be.

I feel like I’m only now learning and getting to know who I really am instead of being able to do so back when I was only a teenager. Like I missed all the opportunities to get to know who I really am, figuring out what and who I want to be.

As if I never really realised that I was too busy caring about not being weird and needing to fit in. I never fit in, I always knew but I still tried. I wanted to be liked, I wanted to not feel lonely. I was just.. unable to be aware of it. All I wanted was friends.

It’s strange to say I needed to be in my late 30s to finally figure this all out. And although I’ve always been acutely aware of the “self”, it was a long process and I struggled through most of it on my own.

Like a half finished puzzle with pieces missing here and there. And pieces from another puzzle stuck in places they weren’t meant to be, only to find out they were wrong and to find the right ones stuck in gap under the table or thrown in the rubbish bin.

I sometimes mourn for the opportunities I never took, but time waits for no one and it passes without much notice. So instead of regretting what I missed I will just take those opportunities now.

The road to self knowledge is never ending and it’s never too late to become who you were meant to be before you die. I don’t want my life to end up regretting everything and hating who I became.

I just want to be me, regardless of what society says I should be.
Life is too long to live in a self-created prison that only causes pain and suffering.

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