Crippled by depression.

(This is a draft I forgot to post about having to go back to work while clinically depressed. I haven’t finished this post but I will continue it in a new post.)

So how does one cope when you’re clinically depressed and, while you can’t remember half of what people tell you, you get told you should go back to work even if it’s only part time?

How do you manage keeping a job when you make so many mistakes you know you’re not going to get through your trial period?

How does one stop looking like a functional human being so people will actually believe that you are literally incapable of functioning?

How do you focus on your mental well-being when you’re being told you can’t just sit around when you’re constantly struggling with exhaustion?

How do I tell myself all this? Asking myself these questions I’m starting to believe I’m just being lazy. That I’m not clinically depressed. That I’m not lacking energy. That I’m not trying desperately to stop feeling like I’m constantly overwhelmed and in dire need of time alone.

But I still know exactly what the problem is. And it’s not laziness.

I am overwhelmed. I am depressed. But I’m not depressed because of mental issues. It’s not that I can’t cope mentally. It’s that my body can’t cope.

But how do you explain to people that your depression is linked to a chronic illness that severely increases the risk of depression?

You don’t. Because a lot of people don’t believe an invisible illness can incapacitate a person.

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