So things have been improving. Somewhat. I’ve found a supplement that works for me. Doesn’t fix the executive dysfunction but that’s alright. At least my mood is improving. I no longer feel like I’m just alive and that is what matters. That is good.

I’m not entirely there yet. But things are getting better. Motivation is seeping in again. The want for change is back. It’s no longer just a need but a desire that I want to fulfill. I want to get better. I want to do things to get better. I don’t want to stagnate anymore.

So, I’ve made plans. I’m going to change this shitty couch. I’m going to plan for a company to come to help me get rid of old stuff that’s been in the backyard for more than a year. I’m going to change my wardrobe with clothes that make me feel comfortable and safe. And happy.

And I’ve shaved off my hair. I’ve shaved away the invisible barrier that I never knew I had. It’s strange how something like this can feel like a relief. I feel much freer now. Much less restrained without this burden of hair. Dandruff no longer bothers me, the tangles don’t stress me out. The thickness of my hair no longer weighs me down.

But I’m not entirely there yet. I feel I need to relearn some things. Anxiety has gotten me to take a few steps back. Confrontations put me off even more now. I’m still tired but on an emotional level. I don’t want to burden myself with certain things anymore. It doesn’t feel worth it.

But we have to stay positive. We need to move on.

Gotta take small steps. Small victories.

I got this. I can do this.

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