Struggling with words.

When you struggle to find the words and visual images in your head explain so much more than words ever could.

When you have all these feelings going on but lack the words to express them because talking is difficult.

When you want to express how you feel but you’re already overwhelmed and too exhausted to deal with people.

When you want to communicate but can’t.

Because it hurts.

Because it’s awkward.

Because you don’t know how.

Because you don’t want to sound incoherent.

Because you’re exhausted.

Because you can’t.

I never liked speaking about a subject that I don’t know the words for. I prefer to internalise everything first. Sometimes I can’t. Sometimes I feel so incapable because I can’t say the words when I lack the energy to process things.

I don’t know how to explain this numb feeling. Just a knot in my stomach. Did I forget something? Is there a conflict I’m avoiding but don’t remember? Why do I keep having this weird feeling that I “forgot” something? Is that even it? Is it dread? Anxiety? Frustration?

I’m tired of stumbling over my words. Tired of the stuttering. Tired of sounding incomprehensible. Tired of using my voice.

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