I’m still here.

It’s been a while. I’m still here. Still going. Still putting one foot in front of the other. I’m trying. Not much to do but keep on going because you can’t really push the pause button to get your things in order. I got fired several months back, haven’t been working for about 2 weeks. I’m glad I have time to pick myself up but time keeps on going.

Chronic exhaustion is a drag and I really dislike it. I want my energy back. I want me back. I want to feel the joy in things again but, these days nothing really makes me happy except my son. The current pandemic isn’t really helping. I still feel overworked and stressed. from time to time.

The joke of it all is that whenever I see my therapist I’m having a good day. And as soon as I walk out of that office, maybe an hour later, depression hits me like a tidal wave. It’s hard to call this a depression tho because I always feel it’s not “that bad”. Do I even have anything to be depressed for? But I guess it’s not something I can help or my brain does on purpose.

Part of me is glad that my son doesn’t really “get it” because of his delays but, it’s still hard. I’m so tired and I can’t be the best mom he needs. I can’t be the best me I want to be because some days 30% is all the best I can muster. It stings and there’s nothing I can do except go see my doctor every once in a while so she can check my blood work and tell me what vitamins I have to add to the pile.

I feel like I’m missing out on life but, at least I no longer have to stress over work outside the house. Now I can live this monotonous life from the comfort of my own home.

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